بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Especially Merciful.
السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ
May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon you.
At a halaqah (study and discussion circle) today we were taught about the barzakh (a time-period between this life and the next in the grave), what happens in the grave and death in general (which is the series at the moment). I left the Masjid thinking, how long is it going to take for me to forget about these reminders and warnings once again?
After today’s session, I walked over to Tescos, careful of the bike that was approaching me so I took a step back. I thought to myself, what if something happens? After I had finished, I walked over to the bus stop to the other side of the road. I kept thinking: what is going to be my last act before I return to Allah? I kept turning to my right to see if the bus is coming, and at one point something caught my attention.
Something, small and black, had gone from across 4-5 motorbikes and hit the floor. The rider leaned over to his left with his right arm out, whether to grab that thing or not, or as a reaction, I couldn’t tell. As my eyes widened, I witnessed how he had flown off from his motorbike and had been separated from it. I jumped forward as I watched his bike slamming onto the side of the pavement twice, and his body on the ground about a meter away. I took a few steps forward, frozen in my thoughts and had no idea of what was going on. Before I could move, about 6-7 men had rushed to him to see if he was ok. I pulled out my phone to call for help, and then realised there was already an ambulance approaching and it was going to stop.
Alhamdulillah. The call of Allah is greater.
I could see that the man was in pain, his body was stuck onto his arm. I don’t know what happened after. My mind just went… blank.
Why did I do this? Why couldn’t I do anything at the time? My fingers were shaking but my hand was numb, I even struggled to hold my phone. What was it about another man’s struggle that made me feel like I’m the one who cannot move?
As I sit on this bus, I am thinking about the fact that he was saved. Allah willed for him to be alive. SubhanAllah anything could have happened, but Allah saved him. Allah saved me and everyone else who was present.
I wish I could express how I’m actually feeling, but I really can’t. It’s not that I didn’t think death isn’t real, I know it is – I was just talking about it an hour ago! It’s not about being fearful of death either. It’s that lingering feeling in my chest, a voice in my head telling me that Allah has saved me so many times.
As I was leaving the Masjid I was thinking “now I hope that I will change my ways” and then that incident occurred. I don’t know, my mind is a blur now. All I can think of now is my Lord and I’m just wondering what He thinks of me.
This is my life, my journey. I will not be asked about anyone but myself – what I say and what I do. Everything is Allah’s and everything belongs to Him alone. All praise, thanks, material things.. even love. We cannot be us without Him. We wouldn’t be without Him. SubhanAllah. How beautiful is it that Allah chose to create us. He could have created anything else, but He chose you and I. He shares his love and mercy towards us even through the calamities we face and the struggles we go through, so that even through all of that we can learn to love Him too.
I pray that our souls are registered amongst the ‘illiyun when we return to the earth, and that Allah is pleased with us. Please keep me in your du’as.
May you be accompanied by safety/peace.