RANT. #1

Do you ever feel like you have no one to turn to? You have no one to share your feelings with, the reason why you break down so often. Sometimes you don’t even know the reason why you cry for hours right? Sometimes you just think you’re an idiot for not even knowing why you feel how you feel, how long you’ve been feeling like you feel and who to seek help from. You know, deep in your heart than Allah is there, right beside you, aware of every tear that falls from your eyes and you know Allah is the one who is waiting for you to turn to Him. Why don’t we turn, why? Sometimes I ask myself.. Do I even trust Allah as I claim I do, or am I deceiving myself? IS there even the level of iman in my heart today which I thought I had achieved yesterday, or the day before? I just sit here, on my bed, pondering over the world, thinking of all Allah has ever blessed me with. I am truly thankful for the hardships because if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t even bother praying or seeking guidance from Him. What? It’s true. If I didn’t even have any problems then why would I need to ask someone for help? I’d be happy with my life and I’d get on with it. But I’m not happy, not at the moment. I DON’T KNOW WHY I EVEN FEEL EMPTY. I’m trying to trust Allah more and trust myself to be stronger, but I fail each time. I wake up in the middle of the night, crying to HIM to make my heart more firm, more strong in HIS deen! I don’t even know what I ask for sometimes, I just spill out whatever comes into my head. But I know one thing for sure.. My Lord, My RABB is there to listen to me each time I feel that emptiness in my heart. And each time I feel empty, I think of Allah. I wait for Him to make me stronger. I do, but I drop. But SubhanAllah never has that made me lose faith in Allah, I know there’s a reason for everything. And I know the reason.. it’s because Allah cares about me and He loves me. He wants the best for me that’s why He gives me as many opportunities for me to turn to Him and cry my eyes out to Him, because after I’m done, I feel much better. Much better. You know, I find it hard to open up to people these days. I don’t know how to express my feelings, no one will understand anyway, everyone’s busy with their own lives, their own dilemmas. But Allah never forgets about any of our problems, He always provides a solution to each and every one of our problems. There’s just.. ONE thing we need to do. You know what it is, I know you do. It took me years and years to do it but I finally did and I’m glad I did. Just do it, force yourself. Open your hands, open your heart, turn to Allah.

Rant over.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “RANT. #1

  1. Assalamu alaykum. It’s hard to digest when somebody tells you, “I know how you feel”… but, I know how you feel. Just try to remember that this is, indeed, a test. And it sounds to me like you spend a lot of time alone, in contemplation. Reasoning and contemplation are definitely an important part of being a Muslim. But, as with anything else, we have to find a balance and moderate our actions. I don’t know about your specific situation, but the best advice I can offer to you is to begin donating your free time. You don’t need to become a full-time volunteer at an orphanage. Simple things can have a huge affect on the state of our hearts. For example, you can go to the store and spend a few dollars buying some bread, sandwich stuff, and cookies.. make sandwiches and spend the night handing them out to the homeless. You wouldn’t believe the amount of gratification that can be attained from doing such deeds. Anyway, if you ever need someone to talk to.. I’m here. Masalaam.

    Like

    1. Assalamu alaykum, aww jazakAllah khayr ukhti I really appreciate your effort to comment advice for me. I understand, it’s the smallest of deeds that bring you closest to your Lord sometimes rather than trying to do the ‘big things’, and then just work your way up. May Allah protect you, take care ox

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s